October 26, 1998

I have had a very interesting week... first off I must tell you of the war that I have declared in my apartment. Well... General Dixon and I got tired of our apartment being a boarding house for roaches and assorted vermin... so we declared war on them... this is the story of the war to this point... arranged by day for convenience...

Day 1: While taking a trip to the refridgerator for a midnite drink, General Naylor noticed from the corner of his eye, a large mass of darkness in the kitchen corner, somewhat illuminated by the light of the fridge. When he moved closer to investigate, the mass charged at him and then ran down the hall... (General Naylor ran down the hall in the opposite direction).

Day 2: While at home for a lunch break General Naylor sought after a short nap on the couch, and thus leaned his head against the wall... shortly thereafter the evil beast began to scratch the wall directly behind his head... so General Naylor's nap was spoiled and the two generals went back to work. Upon coming home slightly early the very next day, and still having a recollection of the beast in his mind, General Naylor headed for the bedroom... when the lights went on... General Naylor found to his horror, the beast was in his room... once again the beast charged after the General and then after General Dixon who was on his way into the bedroom when the beast and General Naylor (trying to follow him this time) nearly knocked him down. The two generals were somewhat agitated by this experience and thus were very upset at not being able to sleep due to the beast's evil scratching of the walls ALL NIGHT LONG.

Day 3: War was declared. General Naylor purchased beast catching traps, and General Dixon purchased Roach bait. Upon returning home from the store... General Naylor began to set up the Beast traps, when he heard a muffled cry from General Dixon... Racing to the bathroom to help he found a General Dixon behind an in-wall laundry hamper bin that had been pulled out to reveal a large snake of unknown classification... unknown because as soon as General Naylor saw the snake, the bin was pushed back into the wall... and the attack for the snake was put onto the back burners... You see, what is worse, a beast in the bedroom or a snake in the bathroom... Today the opposing forces of the unwanted guests were also named in the following manner... Roaches: Footsoldiers of the beast. The Beast: The Beast. The Snake and his reptilian legion (legion is used because of the great number of reptiles that live in our apartment): Jorge and the Lizzard Children. Day 4: The beast was not captured... Although he did manage to chew a hole through an exceptionally large bottle of oil... thus the entire kitchen and hall have a very slippery coating. The traps for the Beast were re-arranged.... The footsoldiers had one casualty. Jorge signs a peace treaty towards us and we allow him to hunt down and eat the footsoldiers.

Day 5: 3:50 a.m. The beast is captured by one of the ingenious traps of the Great General Naylor, the only problem is that the traps are too small... thus the following occurred. At 3:50 a.m. the beast's tail falls into a glue pit strategically located between a toaster and a crock pot in the kitchen. Struggling to free himself, the beast knocks the toaster off of the counter, to which General Naylor awakes... before General Naylor is able to get up, the crock pot is moved and the beast falls off of the counter and on to the floor. Then the beast proceedes to run down the hall draggin the trap behind him... When he reaches the end of the hall the trap gets stuck in the doorway, and the beast trys to pull himself out of the trap... At this point, General Naylor enters the scene... General Dixon is still asleep... The beast sees General Naylor and begins to frantically pull at himself to free himself... General Naylor arrives on the scene and before he can decide what to do, the beast frees himself and runs down the hall and under the kitchen oven. General Naylor goes to bed, angry once again.

Day 5: Monday the 26 of October, I have not been home as of yet... The beast is still at large. Well, that is pretty much the exciting part of this week...

The only other news is that I was sick all week long... and still have a cough... hoping to rid myself of that pretty soon.... But enough of that, I will talk to you later...

Emperor of Everything.