Subject: Sweet and Nice Received: Mon Nov 16 14:26:44 1998 From: elderdixon@lycosmail.com Dear Esther After recieving your most recent email it has come to my attention that you do in fact have a new friend named Arron who is both sweet and nice. Upon analyzing three words (friend,sweet,nice) it has come to me by means of revelation both the background and the relationship of your new sweet and nice friend. The story is made up, but the names are real. humor me if you will.......... It's a crisp fall morning on the campus of Weber State University and a young Esther Bowden has an hour break in her tuesday morning routine between her english class and her ballet class. She purchases a slice of bread from a small booth down stairs in the union building and sits down to warm up and relax before her next class. The bread is warm and the rasberry honey butter is sweet and nice. Thoughts drift and she remembers a "friend" she has some where near the border of mexico; she decides to write him a short note. The letter contains the basics, greetings, reports, complaints, desires. The warm air of the building has an effect upon her and it entrances her to fall into a nice cat nap. She awakes with a sneeze, glances at the watch on her right arm, it yells "you're late" She studies the watch on the left arm and it tells her the same. In a hurry to get up, the books on her lap fall to the floor with a thump and causes somewhat of a distraction. A youngman, clean faced and secure, helps her with the books. She thanks him and hurrys off, leaving a glass slipper, or a half written letter to a "friend" on the ground. The youngman can't help but watch her as she runs up the stairs, he hates to see her go, but he loves to watch her leave. He notices the letter. He picks it up. The entire day Arron could not keep his mind focused on his studying. The thoughts of this red sweatered girl keep him on the look-out everywhere he went. It seemed a lost cause in such a large campus. Latter that night he was invited with some friends to a concert put on by the university symphonic band. The concert was good but even better he spoted her. She was clothed in a sleek, black dress blowing air into a black instrument on the third row on the stage. After the concert she was surrounded by friends and as soon as he got close enough to speak to her she disapeared. He asked his friends her name and finds out it comes from a small unknown book in the Bible-Esther, it has a nice ring to it. A couple days pass and nothing has happened. Aaron is in the Library looking for a book for "The Scarlet Letter" to read for his litiriture class. While walking across the rows of books he notices a lone Librarian at the end of a non-fiction section, reshelving books about phycology. His takes a double take to make sure his eyes aren't teasing him and darts down the adjacent row. He walks calmly down the row and turns at the end, her cart is placed in such a manner that he could not possibly get by. He utters a simple "Madame Librarian?" She's heard this before and looks up starteled. "Yes." she replies. "I'm looking for a book, perhapes you can help me." He looks familiar to her but can't remember why. It doesn't matter, she is getting tired of everyone thinking she has all the books memorized, but still she responds with a friendly, "I can try." "It's called 'How to ask a librarian out on a date' by S. Wheat and Nie Se. I'd realy like to take a librarian out some day and learn the skills of a book-putter-backer. " She blushes and thinks to herself, 'How sweet and nice of him', but decides against it and says "Hmmmmm.....I don't think we have that book." "Great!" he blurts out, pretending not to understand the rejection, "I'll pick you up here, we'll go to a nice dinner. it'll be fun, I can wear a suit and you'ld look awsome in a red fur coat. Friday at 6:00. I'll be waiting." he says as he walks away, not waiting for a response. 'What just happened' she thinks, .......... What will happen next? Will Esther go on the date with a strange familiar face or will she decide to stay home and write a letter to a "Friend" and what's up with the red fur coat? Such mysteries as these can only be solved with time. Find out next time, this has been Jalliel Johnson reporting live from some where in the Medateranian. This show has been brought to you by the letter a and the numbers 6 and 1240098700098. Come back soon ya'hear. Thanks for coming, better luck next time. live long, prosper, play golf, and eat cheese. There's nothing worse than a burnt tortilla. The only way to find out if your a good person is through bad things. Procrastanation is nothing more than a thief. Win when you can, lose if you must, but always cheat. Offend the Devil. Knowledge is but rememberance. If you you wear a trench coat when it's refreshing cool, you're a pansy. Tell your mom, tell you dad, it was super rad. Yours truely Mike Subject: Thought you might enjoy this! Received: Wed Nov 18 10:59:05 1998 From: jakethegreat@cheerful.com Hey Jordan, I got this from a friend and thought that you might like it. Attention-Attention (Must be read with an Italian accent.) One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want to piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tella me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna ma bitch. So I go to my room inna hotel and there is no sheit onna my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheit. He tella me to go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not sheit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man and he calla me a sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you." I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy. ************ THIS IS PRICELESS......BETTER WATCH OUT!!!!! HEE HEE HEE For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day then you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!! Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!" The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863. [Keep reading, it gets better.!] The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro come flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that,Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park. A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said,"Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front." I said, "What's your name?" "My name is Don Hansen." "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home in the evenings." "Listen Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes," "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution: First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying,"Hello." I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up. The jackass said, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "No." He said, "What's your name, Pal?" I said, "Don Hansen." He said "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front." "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up. Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello, Jackass!" He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll kick your butt." "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. Ater that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious! Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life! *************** Anyway I thought you might appreciate that. Jake Subject: OMGoodness! Received: Mon Nov 23 12:02:38 1998 From: jakethegreat@cheerful.com Travis... ******************************************************** WARNING!!!!!! ******************************************************** The following letter is a group mailing... Please read it carefully and then note your personal message at the bottom of the page... Thank You for your cooperation. ******************************************************** WARNING!!!!!! ******************************************************** Hello There! I just wanted to write a quick note and let you know how I was doing. So let's get started shall we? I did not get transferred this last week so I am STILL in Mission... I am aiming for 8 months... Unheard of in this mission. The reason that I am still here is that I have been made the new District Leader... which means that I get a car... That also means that I get to interview all of the baptismal candidates before they get baptized. I have already done two interviews and a man named Atilano Perez was just baptized yesterday. It is a very neat experience to be able to interview people for baptism. We are going to be moving into another apartment this week... a much nicer apartment than the one that we are currently in. I will send you the new address as soon as I can so that you can send me presents... he he he. We had a good week this week with Dinner appointments and I am not even going to attempt to list our Thanksgiving Day activities. Let's just say that while EVERYONE in both wards LOVE my companion and I, and always want to feed us... We are really going to be loved this Thanksgiving... Lots of FOOD! In fact we have a full day of eating with a few minutes of recovery in between. AYE DE MI! Well, I think that is about it.... TTYL Jake Emperor of Everything. ******************************************************** WARNING!!!!!! ******************************************************** You are now Entering the personal note that you were heretofor warned about... You may continue at your own risk. ******************************************************** WARNING!!!!!! ******************************************************** Travis, Can you believe it, I am in charge... do know how much less stress there is when you get to make most of the rules and do things when you want to?` I like it alot.' I hope that you are recording all of these Voyagers! Cause I really am gonna need some catching up. How was your date? I don't think that I have much else to say... other than I can't wait to hear from you again... I will write back and let you know about the apartment once we move in... Talk to you soon... Christmas Babay! ******************************************************** WARNING!!!!!! ******************************************************** You have reached the end of this dispatch, this note will cause hard-drive failure in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0. C:\Warning* Error code 734 has been detected. Hard drive Formatting. Subject: Help! Received: Mon Nov 30 13:01:49 1998 From: jakethegreat@cheerful.com Dear Travis, It seems that our moods are in allignment. I am feeling some of those very feelings myself. I am quite confused. The holiday season is coming up and I find myself lost in thoughts of past years and then I look at my current situation and I can't help but wonder WHY AM I HERE? Do you know how boring my life has been the last 6 months. I have basically been wasting time down here. I mean I am down here to convert people right? Well, I am not getting any converting done. It seems that all of my talents are being wasted away into oblivion and I am left here in the center of all of this only to find myself lost from myself. I wrote a poem a long time ago when I was pretty down on life and I find myself feeling the same way right now. It was basically to the effect that I felt my life was a seald book and that I was closed within the pages and that I tried to call for help but no one could here me. So, anyway, I don't think that helped you any... but maybe we can lean on eachother. I am just confused... I mean, I know that what I am doing is the right thing to be doing, but I don't know that it is the right thing for ME to be doing. And you are the only one that I can talk to about this. If I went and told my mom how I was feeling I know that she would go crazy. Our family has gone through so much and I know that if I told her that I wanted to come home she would just crack. I love her and for that I suppose that I will end up staying out here. And besides that, while a mission is a voluntary thing for missionaries, the ones that do choose to serve and then do not stay out the full time are practically branded with a stamp of "unworthiness" for the rest of their lives. So as you can see, I am somewhat stressed out myself. Oh well... I can't wait till I get to talk to you. Jake Subject: Your addy Received: Fri Dec 4 22:05:54 1998 From: "Travis A. Vowles" Jacob, I want to write you now before I forget. i need to know your new address so that I can mail you your Christmas card and Birthday/Christmas Presents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Su Amigo, Travis P.S. - Santa doesn't deliver late, so don't procrastinate!!! hehehehe! Subject: *YAWN* Received: Mon Dec 7 03:26:32 1998 From: "Travis A. Vowles" Hey Jacob, Sorry I didn't get a chance to write you this week! I'm tired as HELL right now, so I'm gonna go off to bed! Hopefully I'll wake up soon enought to write you something before you read your e-mail, but if not, just let me know how things are going with you and expect a HUGE letter from me next week! And, please make SURE that you give me your current mailing address, so that I can mail to you your Birthday/Christmas presents!!!!!! Su amigo, Travis Subject: Holiday Greetings Received: Mon Dec 7 14:12:55 1998 From: jakethegreat@cheerful.com Hi There, Just wanted to hop in and let you know that I am still alive and kicking. I have not had much to report on lately because everything is going verrrrryyyy slooooooow... but I don't mind, the holiday season is sure to pick up soon down here. We just finished with a big project that the district has been working on... an Open House. It was crazy to be in charge of that, but we pulled it off and it seemed that everyone enjoyed it. Even though we started way to late and had to end by 7:00pm it worked out okay. All that we got were compliments and more compliments... in fact the spanish ward reliefsociety president was so impressed by my decorations that she asked me if she could use them for the spanish ward dinner, it consented and before I knew what had happened, her and her children had run through the entire cultural hall and stripped it of everything and then took off. There were a few greedy people that made it so that Elder Naylor and the other missionaries working in the kitchen didn't have any dessert. But I am not bitter or anything, I mean, would you be? An univited group of members from a distant ward show up in time for refreshments and then take of with enough food to feed 8 missionaries... as well as themselves. We had more goodies there than there was food for the ward dinner, and we ran out. I was a little upset when I saw those people leaving with half of the refreshments... but that is all that I am going to say about this. Well, my hands tell me that they are done typing for the day, so I suppose that I shall take off... Thanks for listening, Jake Subject: Re: Well?..... Received: Mon Dec 7 23:35:15 1998 From: Douglas Hammond jakethegreat@cheerful.com wrote: > Hello? > > Are you going to let me know what is going on there in CANADA? > > I hear that the wedding bells are ringing... > > Stop the GOSSIP... Let me know what is up.... > > Jake It's true. march 13 is the date. where are you serving right now? It has been a long time since i got a line from you. Do you hat me that much or what? If it is becuase i havn't written that's your own fault. You don't right me. right now I'm working as a lock smith. Saving money to get married and go to school in september. but normal life is great. althoght being a missionary is a lot easier. sometimes i just want to go back. but for now i can't. i'll talk to you later. Subject: Mi vida Received: Tue Dec 8 01:10:33 1998 From: "Travis A. Vowles" Jacob, Heya bud! Sorry I didn't get to e-mail you last week! I've been so busy and I've barely spent ANY time at home in front of the computer for this last week! Let's see...what all to tell you... Okay. I had another date this past Monday with Timothy. He's really a sweetheart and we went to the Olive Garden and had lunch and talked and basically had a really good time! Then, on Thursday, he had to go up to Orange County to drop of his cousin's car which he had borrowed and pick up his car, which had been in the shop. He asked me to go along for the ride, so I did and we had another GREAT time. I ended up staying the nite at his place that night and we watched Jeffrey. He EVEN cooked me a crab and pasta dinner that was ABSOLUTELY fabulous! OMG! You woulda died! We've spent a lot of time on the phone and stuff and then this past Saturday nite, we went out to dinner at Pasta Nova and went shopping in Hillcrest. I really think that he is a GREAT guy. I'm sure that you would like him a lot. I'm still not sure where things are headed, but right now, I'm on a high. :) (And if this is too much for you, let me know and I won't tell you any more about it!) Anyway...on to the next topic. I had a meeting this past Tuesday at Dr. Kirkley's house. SAESO is putting together a grant proposal to try and get money from a grant USD received for "Fighting Injustice." We are hoping to start some programs aimed at curbing homphobia at USD. It will be very influenctial I think. My part of the job is to create and get the web space for a SAESO webpage by the time we go back next semester. I hope that I can get everything to work out for that! I should be able to do it without any difficulties tho. Right now, I'm trying to go around and get images and stuff that are "appropriate" for such a webpage. And what else has happened this week? Hm...well...actually nothing! I've just been gone all thet ime! hehe! I did get to go this past Sunday and get a Christmas tree for the office at work! It was so funny! Me and Michelle went down to Target (on Zoo time!) :) and picked out our "Office Christmas Tree." Then, we had to carry the tree thru the office to the trailer. Picture me and one of the leads walking thru the Zoo, right past all the patrons, carying a huge pine tree! :P HEHE! Anyway, we got it back to the office, and I swear, the thing grew in the back of my truck on the way back to the office! It was HUGE! He ended up having to borrow a "contraband" saw from B&G so that we could cut it down to a semi-normal size! But, we did get it all done! :) And it looks so neato! :) I have finals coming up next week. One on Monday at 12:30 and one Tuesday at 7:30. I'm really NOT looking forward to these! :( But hey...after 9:30 on your birthday, all my classes for the Fall semester will be finished! WOOHOO!! :) I'll be glad about that! Next weekend in the "underground" employee Christmas party for the guest service reps at work. I don't know exactly why it is "underground," but it is, and it sounds like a TON of fun, so I'm REALLY looking forward to it! I'm still trying to decide whether or not to take Timothy to the party...no one at work "knows," so I'm not sure if I should or not! I wish you were gonna read this in enough time to give me your opinion! ARGH! Well...maybe you will...but I'll prolly just have to go to Antoinette and Todd to get some advice on this one for now... I am having lunch this next Wednesday with David Anglikowski. He wants me to help him with the Social Issues Conference in the Spring. We're trying to decide whether to do the Gay/Lesbian portion on hate crimes (with an emphasis on the recent Matthew Shepard killing) or on Same-Sex Marriages (with emphasis on the recent Hawaii-Alaska-Vermont measures and the California ballot of 2000 measure). I'm kinda hoping to do the Same-Sex Marriage Act one, becuase I think that that would have the most impact on the future. But we'll just have to see how it works out. Well...I think that that is really all that I have to tell you for now! I'll let you know if anything interesting happens in the next few days! I can't wait to talk to you on Christmas! And just to be sure, I want to make sure that you know my schedule: I will be home (619-445-4040) before about 8 on Christmas morning. Then there will be commute time where I will be unreachable. Then I will be at work (619-231-1515 x. 4256) where I will be from approximately 8:45-12:45. Then, once again, commute time, then I will be home again after about 1:30. These are ALL Pacific time measures. If would be best if you can call me when i cam at home, but if you can't I understand. The only problem is that if it is really busy at work and you call me when I am there, I may not be able to talk at all...just make sure that you do make an attempt, if that is the only time you cantalk. But at home would be preferable. And you can call ANYTIME, even if you need to call at 3 in the morning here! :P Anyway, I hope that everything is going well with you and I can't WAIT to hear from you on Christmas!!! Su Amigo, Travis Subject: *hugs* Received: Tue Dec 8 04:04:27 1998 From: poohbear493@juno.com (Anna C Naylor) Not much to say. I am geting ready for school and just thought that you might like a little hello. Um, there is one more tape on the way....Manheim Steamroller Live. Mom has your other ones in San Diego. I hope it serves it's purpose. Well, I gotta get going. How are things going for you? I hope things are good. well, I'll write you a long letter as soon as finals are finished. It's a crazy couple weeks, so I love you and will write to you soon. *hugs and kisses* Christie Subject: LOL! Received: Wed Dec 9 13:20:04 1998 From: "Travis A. Vowles" OMG! Every day in my E-mail, I get this thing about "famous events that happened on this day." If starts with historical stuff, then moves to birthday, and then death. And you won't BELIEVE who's on the list! LOL! Born on Dec. 9, in the year 2340...none other than everyone's favorite Klingon, WORF! HEHEHEH! Keep in mind, he's listed next to people like Albert Einstein and Queen Victoria! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!! Su Amigo, Travis/ Trying to pick himself up off the floor